Mothering: Excerpt from Safe or Sound

I had the best evening with Kooky and Semsem, after Salem and Maha left. I resisted them so much; they wanted me to watch a Disney movie with them and I had piles of plates in the sink and wanted to finish tomorrow's lunch because my schedule is really tight with six hours of teaching three different classes and I still had to prepare some materials.  I said OK, when you decide what movie to watch, come and tell me and I will watch as much as I can when I clean up the kitchen. But then Kareem said,' Mama, do you know what I really want to be right now?  I want to be your mother and you my son.'  When I asked why, he said "because then I will choose to sit and watch the movie with you!" I was amazed at the logic of my sweet five year old son, and his way with words. It was simple as that. And I just could not resist it.

I went to the kitchen, turned the stove off and closed the door so that I will not see how badly the kitchen needed cleaning. TO HELL WITH THE KITCHEN!  I sat on the big sofa between the twins and we played The Lion King, again , maybe for the fiftieth times, but it felt different this one time.  We got a blanket because it was cold; we snuggled, laughed, tickled, and hugged. We cried when Mufasa died and sang along with Simba and Nala and danced with "I just can't wait to be king" and roared like a lion till we almost lost our voices.

 I wish I can do this more often . l wish I have time to engage with the twins in fun activities and stop being a caterer for food, a driver or a teacher. I realized after that night how much I needed them and how much I wanted to be a real mother. Mothering is not something you do by instinct; you really need to learn and my best teachers so far are my lovely twins. 

Morning Tension (excerpt from Safe or Sound?)

Salem stood leaning lazily on the kitchen door watching Hala;  she was busy stirring something in a big pot then she added vegetables inside it and covered it. She had already dressed for work and she had rolled the long sleeves of her blouse up.

What are you doing in the kitchen; it is only five a.m.  the smell woke me up, he finally announced his presence.

Oops, sorry.  We’re having a dish party for the new comers in the department and I am making koushary and lentil soup; I did not fry the onions yet to avoid the smell; you smelled the cakes maybe?

How nice, cooking at dawn for your Indian, Bengali, Pakistani and lovely Saudi colleagues and complaining every day about cooking for you own kids!

Hala wanted to remain calm; she will wake the kids up in half an hour and Salma will give her a hard time before she leaves for school;   then she will six hours of teaching.  She started to scoop the rice and lentils out of the tefal pot with a big spoon and place it in the oval stainless steel serving dish, then she placed the lid on the pot again and opened the oven and placed it inside to keep it warm for lunch. She moved mechanically like a robot and the tense muscles in her shoulders and back started to ache.

I will serve his breakfast first; I don’t want the kids to feel any tension; it is enough what Salma feels about school and abayas and all. She behaves like someone taken to jail to serve a life sentence, every morning.  

She removed the dishes of boiled egg halves and the chick peas from the table in the center of the kitchen to the other side. She will use these later for decorating kousahary. She started serving cheeses and cold cuts right from the fridge. Salem followed her movement from the fridge to the cook to heat something in a pan and sat at the table. "Do you expect me to eat that cold stuff?"

I am preparing foul and scrambled eggs.

Do we have any konafa? I want a piece with tea.

I ran out of Konafa…let me write it on the list or I will forget; she said as she moved to write something on a long piece of paper she placed under a magnet on the freezer door.. but I have some cakes for your tea, I have just baked it.

"An ideal wife", he said with a tone of ridicule; see I don't use the words you hate anymore…. I said" ideal", not "good". Satisfied?

Thank you! She still tried to act naturally, she had prayed God to help her remain calm for Salma's sake and now it is Salem playing on her nerves and looking for a morning scene. She hoped that he will eat and go back to sleep again before he pumps into Salma, witnesses her ugly morning rituals and starts to fight with her.   She had never hated school back in Egypt; even in kindergarten.  Poor Salma, she misses being with Kareem in the same class, and she misses her old friends and  the club and swimming under the sun rays every Friday morning and tennis practice twice a week.  Even though they go to an international school, they still have to follow Saudi school regulations, separating boys and girls and forcing girls to wear black abayas on top of the uniform.